Pasta Salad Love Song

Now I've never told this to anyone, but I love

Pasta Salad,

and, I'm going to be honest-

I'm going to slam the strainer on the table-

my love for Pasta Salad

transcends my love of most other things.

"Sorry Dad, you've been like a father to me,

but shut your box, my heart is of an al dente

tube-shaped variety and I have no need for

your cheese-sprinkled sentiments."

So I'm going to make this official.

I'm going to tie the strand because

Pasta Salad, you know all the

spaghetti straps in the world

couldn't arouse my curiosity

like a bowl of your bowties.

It's the truth.

And I know, I know,

you've heard this all before

and from guys with twice the spice,

but I'll change for you-

like the dirty pasta water

I will be boiled anew!

For instance, I know you don't like

the feel of steel wool on your dishes,

I'll work on that.

And you don't like it when I enjoy my lunch

at the local funeral home, that's fine-

I mean Three Bean Salad never cared

but that's all in the past!

I'm just looking forward

to spending my life with your saucy sense of style.

Wait, what?

You got a what in the oven?

Like a dinner roll?

Oh Pasta, baby, entree,

I don't understand!

We were going to go to Italy

together, meet the family.

We had this all planned out.

Okay, you know what?

It's okay, it's okay.

I'll tell you what I'm going to

go to the store, get some

smoked Gouda,

and when I come back we'll

sort all these Sponge Bob shapes

out. Because remember,

I've never told this to nobody,

but I love Pasta Salad.