90's Boy

If I were a super hero,
who would I be?
Well, I'd be 90's Boy of course!
I mean, who doesn't love the 90's?

90's Boy would be
the ultimate dispenser of justice,
I'd be like the Pez Dispenser of justice,
complete with:
"Ultra-Stomping High Tops,"
 a "Super-Faded Flat Top,"
some "Mega-Turbo Karate Chops,"
and maybe some
"Ordinary-Humble Flip Flops?"
I don't know, I'm might reconsider that last one.

Nevertheless,
90's Boy would be near unstoppable.

What powers would I possess?
Only the sheer ferocity of the 90's!

What's more the powerful than the ability
to live a politically incorrect life,
and one rich with
advertisement jingles
and Arnold Schwarzenegger
Christmas movies.

I'd be nigh-invincible
without the fear of
kidnappings, terrorists, carcinogens
and my enemies would tremble in fear
of my plaid vision.

Yes, 90's Boy would be quite
the omnipotent being but he wouldn't
be devoid of a fatal flaw.

No no, even the legendary Slug Woman had a
weakness and 90's Boy would be no different.

The stake to my heart wouldn't be
a high sodium diet though, it would simply
be the passage of time.