My Dad

Biochemists can be cowboys,
beakers don't encompass everything.

A 12-gauge curiosity of his
quickly turned into an NRA membership,
and now the 1st Sunday
of every month is:

"Cow Boy Shooting Day,"
down at the local range.

Yeehaw.

Taking Yourself Too Seriously

Taking yourself too seriously occurs:

When you're dropped
into an ocean of sharks
and you're forced to "commingle."

When, while sitting amongst
your mother's knitting club,
you feel the need to offer
a member advice on
coping with her hepatitis.

When there is nothing on T.V.
so you prepare your
last will and testament.

When there is nothing on T.V.
the last thing you should do
is take yourself too seriously.

Dildo In The Middle Of The Road

I found a dildo in the middle of the road,
how'd it get there?

A dildo, just a sittin' in the road,
how'd it get there?

Just a dildo in the road,
a purple chode just a sittin' in the road,
I found a purple dildo,
in the middle,
of the road.

How'd it get there?

What a story, this old dick,
and who the hell would believe it?
Look at the neighbors, they all look sick,
and they all want me to retrieve it?

Well "okay" I say, I'll get this dong,
I'll do what I am told,
because I'd be remiss
and my neighbors pissed
over just a little dildo in the road.